


Chasing You

by Midnight Wolf (Larkawolfgirl)



Series: Inner Medley [22]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Inspired by Music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-19 11:21:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7359250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larkawolfgirl/pseuds/Midnight%20Wolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her life has always felt like a carousel regardless of how much time she spent standing still. She may be stuck in one place, her world might be spinning, but he is there.</p><p>Song: Carousel by Melanie Martinez</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chasing You

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still not completely satisfied with this but I have been working on it for so long that I just have to finally post it. I started this back near the beginning of the Inner Medley series, but I only worked on it in tiny spurts every once in a while. Originally this was supposed to focus more on the "running circles" idea but it somehow turned into a run down of kh2 instead.

It didn’t take Namine long to realize she was unlike other Nobodies. Nobodies weren’t supposed to have feelings, but sometimes when she closed her eyes and focused really hard they were there, off at the edges of her being, but still there. They seeped in closer to her core when Kairi reawakened, as if her feelings were trickling to her. The strongest emotion was loneliness. This was her drive, her purpose. She drew because when she looked at her drawings she could delude herself that the illustrated people were friends who could keep her company.

Things might have been better if the Organization recruited her instead of restricting her within a castle of blank white space. (That was another reason she drew; to add color to the bleak world she lived in).  She might have met Roxas sooner if she had, but then again, she might have lost herself to the Organization’s plans as well.

Sora and his memories were what got her through her days. She knew him better than anyone, and it didn’t take her long to fall head-first. So when Roxas sprang into existence, a Nobody as uncommon as she was, she of course perked up.

Instead of going to meet him, she observed. Her boring day-to-day life left her plenty of time to examine him. It was interesting to examine just what separated him from Sora. And surprisingly there was a lot.

She loved Sora’s selflessness, his generosity, and purity, but Roxas contained all these traits as well, just in different ways. She began to realize that she had only loved Sora because he was the first person she really knew. What set Roxas apart was his complexity, so similar to her own. Sora was extremely simple in many regards. Every action he took was selfless--from rushing off to help the worlds to ripping his very heart out. But Roxas, he was selfless in a different way. He asked questions but didn’t delve too far, and he didn't think about the possible consequences of his actions. He listened to the orders of his confinement, just like she did, while Sora challenged authority when he knew it was wrong. Sora went as far as fighting his own friend to protect the justice he valued, while Roxas only did that when no other options were left to him.

When Roxas first appeared it was when Sora had become a heartless, so Roxas was all that she had left of him. Of course she was upset about Sora, but Roxas felt like a piece of Sora that she could still hold onto. Her interest was already bound to him by the time Sora had reverted to his human form. Regardless, when Sora showed up right in front of her, her expectations grew. Even if she had already gained feelings for Roxas by that point (which she wasn’t even sure if she had or not) he had been unreachable while Sora was there just in front of her fingertips.

She obeyed orders with a selfish feeling of accomplishment as Kairi’s essence was replaced with her own. But she soon realized that even without remembering Kairi, he would never truly be hers. To keep him she would have to fulfill the role that she had already set, meaning that she could never be herself. As much as it hurt, she let him go.

It was then, working with his beautiful memories, that she realized that Sora’s memories could not be fully restored as long as Roxas still existed. Pushing the thought aside, she focused solely on restoring what she could. But, when Riku and DiZ invaded her little mock-home, it couldn’t be put off any longer.

Neither were immediately harsh about the decision. Perhaps they knew her feelings. Perhaps they were just kind enough not to steal Roxas’ life immediately. Either way, they placed him in the fake Twilight Town, giving him a peaceful, almost perfect, limited existence.

Again she only watched him, but this time is was because of the watchful eye of Diz who forbade her interference. With each day Roxas’ remaining time shortened, and she couldn’t hold back her longing to meet with him anymore. She was done with being used and controlled. It was only thanks to her power that Sora could wake up, so she had every right to see Roxas before he did.

His Twilight Town was nothing more than digitized brain waves, so it was easy enough to stop time. In that frozen moment it was just the two of them, and she could feel what she had of a heart reaching out toward his. There was surprise in his eyes at her sudden appearance, and he nearly stumbled into her, but he was beautiful in that moment, in that time of freedom. He wasn’t worrying about Heartless or Nobodies, lost hearts or loneliness. He had everything he wanted in that digital reality, and in that moment she wanted nothing more than to stay there with him.

She smiled, and it was the most genuine smile she had yet to smile. He wanted to know what was going on—and she couldn’t blame him—but she also couldn’t bring herself to disrupt the beautiful moment, not when it would end in mere days anyway. Holding up her hand, she told him her simple truth: that she had wanted to meet him, if only once. Then with the rippling of time, she faded away from his consciousness as mysteriously as she came.

She truly would have been content with that—or so she told herself—but Roxas was growing closer to where Sora was with each passing day. The keyblade was reaching him and so were the dusks. He deserved to know what was happening to him. Deserved truth in his final hours after living a life riddled with lies.

She entered his mind, a simple task for a memory witch such as herself. The world was white (white like the castle, white like a memory). Her words were cut off by Riku grabbing her wrist. He said that Roxas would be better off without the knowledge. And maybe he would. Maybe knowing would only open up the wounds his life in Twilight Town healed. But was it really their right to decide what was best for him?

More days passed, and the decision to tell him seemed inevitable. He was unstable, shaken to his very core by Axel’s arrival. He was losing himself. Losing himself to a life he no longer remembered. Losing himself to Sora. She wanted to save him, wanted to save him so badly. But she didn’t know what to do. Sora was important, so very important to the cause of Light, and Diz would never allow it. If she couldn’t save him, she could at least help him.

She called him into her room, the one which connected Castle Oblivion and the Old Mansion in the hopes that it would be more difficult for Diz to find them there. Decorating her walls were drawings of his memories, drawings that might jog his suppressed memory.

She told him about his connection to Sora, about his friendship with Axel, about the Organization, about his fate. “You were never supposed to exist,” she said without any emotion whatsoever, not because the words held no meaning but that they were true and something ground into her since her creation. Realizing his reaction made more sense than her own detached one, she said simply, “I guess some things really are better left unsaid.” Because of this, she did not tell him he was important, his own person, or worthy of his own life, even though she believed all these things. What she did tell him was that he would be whole, complete at last, once he fused with Sora. And that they would meet again.

Now they have been reunited, though they are still apart. Like being on a spinning contraption they spin in circles, searching for that tiny window of opportunity offered to them to glimpse each other. This doesn’t bother Namine, though, for her life has always felt like a carousel regardless of how much time she spent standing still. She is used to not making any progress, so she tells herself it is okay when the only contact she has with Roxas is through Sora and Kairi. She may be stuck in one place, her world might be spinning, but he is there. She’s no longer lonely and that is enough.


End file.
